OKay.
It's been awhile. and there are some updates to do.
Let's take it from the top: In order of the most painful and working dowards, I guess.

My stepfather is not responding well to the treatments. He is weak. He is bald. He is..well...not giving up, per se, because we are too early for that. But maybe not fighting as hard as he could. My grandmother fought hard. With everything in her little body,she fought. My father didn't. In my opinion, anyway.I think he wanted to live,sure. But as far as I know, he never went to chemo. He just didn't go.

....we are waiting on results now. Back to waiting. My heart is breaking. Fuck everyone who uses that expression and doesn't get what it really means. My heart hurts so bad right now. This is not fair to do to my mother again. It's not fair to do to him.
How many hit can one family take before you have nothing left ? 

I've been absent from alot of my friends lives for the past month or so: this would be why. I'm trying to keep the balance between everything. I'm trying to keep it together, because this time around, I'm old enough to do something with all that raw emotion in me.

I also don't want to deal. with the superficial bullshit that occupies the day to day. I can't make idle chatter; I don't have the energy to fake the happy. I'm too focused on going from this minute to the next and just at this point getting through a single day. and then the next. and then the next...

I want to be blaring my music right now and rocking out. I want to be curled up with a video game. I want to be out somewhere not feeling like shit.

I was looking forward to spring break. Now I'm kinda not. Two free days with nothing to occupy my attention except what I choose to think about.

I'm not sure what else to write really.

passed 3 out of 4 midterms so far. waiting to hear about the 4th.
school's good. stressed out about the amount of work. managing.
Not seeing a therapist anymore.
down to 2 meds a day.
?
what else is there really to say?