For those who don't remember - I host a weekly podcast featured on INSIDEPULSE.COM

Well, we just hit episode #100.

One of our listeners was nice enough to package it all up together in this handy dandy, harddrive hogging torrent.

Want to relive the last two years of wrestlings through the voices of a stoned independent wrestler, a native american mexican clown, and an easily amused dullard with life problems?

That's the RabbleCast

http://www.mininova.org/tor/1407786

Three cavities and i might not have to pay for the services on them if it is covered enough by insurance
oooh keep your fingers crossed for me...

he was able to not use novicaine on one but the other two got too sensitive and now i can't feel the right side of my face
bleh

tired but today will go quickly--  i am looking forward to floating into my home base and tuning the world out...
things will be better soon
they always eventually are
i gotta just
hold faith
and
do the best i can

<3

I've addressed my personal dislike for MMO's before, but the summary of that goes like this.

I played City of Heroes/City of Villains for about a year on and off with some friends. It was enjoyable, if not a touch repetitive. They kept adding things that made the goals seem more and more broad and the chance to do different things even greater. If I am correct, WoW and Guild Wars do similar things with their box expansions. *shrug*

I stopped playing COH/COV for one or two reasons. One, the amount of time on the game is insane. A lot of it grinding away. Waiting to see the next power-set. Buying new costume pieces. Hoping that you do these 4 hour missions without half your online team having to go finish their homework. I don't have THAT much concentrated time.. or at least I didn't.. hmm..

Anyway - the other problem I have with MMOs, and this is solely a personal gripe - there are no endings. There just isn't an END to the game. It's not in their best interests to do so. You go and you build your character up to level 20.. then 30... then 40.. no matter what the cap is, they keep raising the cap. At that point they give you options for new stuff and you have a MackDiesal character that can do whatever the frak it wants, but --- so what? Go on box collecting missions? Try and gather all the tchatchki? Does little for me.

I much prefer games with endings. Even if I don't GET to the ending.. I at least know that the game I was playing was moving towards something. I've restarted Bully 3 times... I enjoy the game, but I never have beaten it. I might eventually, but it's nice to know if I choose to.. I can get to an ending. Disgaea is the same thing. The game can be beaten in 20 hours - OR - you can min/max every aspect and play for 100s.. the equiv of grinding away. BUT - I know - at the end of it - there are credits, and hopefully some sort of fun FMV. That's comforting to me.

I just had a startling realization that is now going to bug me until I can logic my way around it...

( Read more... )

So, yeah. It's 4:21AM right now. I woke up around 3:30AM to use the bathroom and tried to go back to sleep. Couldn't. I then, hear this weird-ass noise coming from outside. I open a window to listen closely. It kind of sounded like a dog, yelping. Constantly. Frequently. Nonstop. But, it couldn't have been a dog. The noise didn't match up with that of a dog. Could it be a fox? A bear? A deer? A bum? I dunno. It may be hurt or something. Or, summoning all the powers of hell. Will I go outside to check on it? No. I ain't fuckin' stupid. I've seen plenty of enough horror movies to know better. So, I'm just gonna sit here for a bit. Eat some cereal. And try to get that noise out of my head. Though, it's still goin' on. You know it's creepy when it drives Tobey to sleep under the bed. He was completely comfortable, sleeping on my side, with my arm wrapped around him. Purr-snoring away. Stupid creature outside freakin' out my cat. I wonder what the fuck that thing outside is and why it's yelping.

Friday night, I posted to TotalFark that one of their members (me) and her BF were in Houston and curious about where we should feed. Only one wiseass replied "at the trough?" with an accompanying photo of a pig. The rest of them were actually pretty helpful about their suggestions. Many of them were things that The Guy had been planning to hit anyhow, but one jogged his memory. So Saturday afternoon, we headed on over to Luling City Market for lunch.

( It started off so well... )

After lunch, we hit a branch of Shipley Do-Nuts (wow, they even have their own Wikipedia entry) so that we could have little snacks for later. While we didn't eat them right away (we were busy getting a hat for The Guy, who needs himself a cowboy hat so that he can cook his BBQ in proper Texas style), they were damn tasty. The Guy says that these are best eaten right away, and I believe him. I'm that way with hot Krispy Kremes. These weren't hot when we got 'em, but they were damn tasty. We had them on hand just in case of the hardcore sugar/endorphin crash I could have suffered immediately after getting my tattoo. Thankfully, all I needed was a seat, a smoke, and some Coca-Cola to set me straight.

Later that night, we were supposed to meet up with a childhood friend of The Guy, but were informed that she had come down with some manner of nasty cold and wasn't going anywhere. We wound up going to the intended place anyway, and had a lovely time.

There are those of you who know me well enough to know how much I do adore a Dark Bar. One of those bars that's dimly lit even in the daytime. A cool, dark oasis where I can hide in the middle of a hot, bright summer day. La Carafe is one of those places. Even though we went there at night, I could easily see this place being just as much of a haven as the Grassroots Tavern in NYC. The atmosphere is relaxed, and the focus is on what you're drinking. There's an upstairs, including a wee balcony with a couple of tables on it for those who wish to sit above the hubbub of Congress Street. The building itself is the oldest commercial building still doing business in Houston, and I think it's the age of the building (allowed to show in all its glory) that makes it sort of remind me of New Orleans. The bathrooms aren't luxurious (matter of fact, they're teensy), but again, this isn't the kind of place that needs anything more than a functional place to release some of the wine you've rented so that you may indulge a bit more. There's a jukebox as well, with a rather eclectic mix of music, but none of that music is especially modern. Beatles, Billie Holliday, Cab Calloway, and the Rolling Stones, yes, and even a Pretenders disc, but I think that's as current as it gets. No matter, though, because the music is in tune with the rest of the vibe of the place.

It seemed to be Night Of The Jiggly College Girls, though perhaps that's every Saturday night in Houston, I don't know. There was a rather booming club right next door, and more down the block, so we grabbed a table outside and watched the young'uns totter by in their high heels on their way to much more hip spots than ours. Being as La Carafe is also situated right on Old Market Square, and seeing as Houston has many tall, shiny buildings, I was able to squint just a little and feel like I might be sitting at a bar facing Bryant Park in New York rather than someplace in Texas. We were content to sit and sip and watch the world go by, and it was a lovely, relaxed evening.

On our way back to the car, a trio of girls in scandalous, brightly coloured outfits walked by, passing three gentlemen on their way. The three men stopped all conversation and just stared, open-mouthed, at the three of them as they shimmied past. It was a classic moment, and I would have applauded if I weren't suddenly feeling very tired.

Houston is just getting into its "oh god it's hot as hell" season (94 degrees in the shade when we arrived), and we had been applying sunblock like crazy the whole time we were there, only to sweat it off quite promptly in the heavy humidity. Saturday night, however, we got a quite a thunderstorm (which I slept right through, waking only to hear The Guy say, "You can't be fucking serious..."), which broke some of the heat and humidity for our Sunday excursion.

( Beating the Mother's Day rush )

I'm fairly certain that we did something on Sunday night (other than The Guy doing laundry), but I'll be damned if I can remember what it was. We could well have just napped, woken up for long enough for me to post, and then gone back to bed, honestly. I'm drawing a blank. In any case, Monday was its own adventure, and gets its own post.

Rauschenberg died
my collage/decoupage beauty in the everyday objects
cover it in paint
minor art god
passed away into the night

they don't say what from
but i think it may have just been
old age.

i recall
clipping his images from a magazine amoung
an old collection
when i was first attending art school
images of bicycles and swans
of objects and drawings and paintings
sewn and woven together
rendering aesthetics that
you could either not care for
or wholly find some hidden meaning in memory
making the piece
selfishly personal

i would say that the world is less interesting
however
if he were alive
he would disagree with that thought
simply at his own passing
and that is one of the many reasons
i was so enamored with him.

Rest in Peace
------------------------------------------------------------------------

that news kinda takes the sting out of my emotions today
instead of grinding upon issues that have been irking me lately
i feel rather like just letting go
letting everyone just be whoever they want to be
and do whatever they want to do
and feel however they want to feel
i know that's my philosophy.

or perhaps not---

i don't know...

My whole life i have tried to be a rock
i have tried to be bedrock to the shifting world and emotions of those around me
that if no place was solid then i would be
that i would plant my feet where i was and weather what came for me
that i would always accept people with open arms
and give them whatever in my heart i could muster

i used to give everything
until i learned how
to measure and appropriate fair enough
that i could still keep myself and skin
whole.

People would see a font
they would see the light and the hope and the brilliance
and they would connect to it and begin to devour it
never realizing how taxing and reaven it left me
and i let them take
and take
and take
and then i realized something was daftly wrong about it
breaking the cycles
throwing a monkey wrench into the works
i had to realize that i cannot save anyone
who cannot stand up and save themselves--

and i know this because
i had to save myself

when i came to face my darkest hour
it was my strength and
the voices of my friends
that helped me to stand upon my own
to make myself
fully formed
and whole again.

It was the hand of friendship that reached for me in the dark
strangers promising to listen
familiar friends remaining a solid foundation
my own desire to find happiness
driving me
pushing me to expand beyond what i thought i needed and wanted in the right now
looking towards the long term.

no single person or relationship can fix the problems that you cannot fix upon your own
no one can be for you that shining light of hope if you cannot be your own illumination
sure i can spark it
i can snap my fingers and blink my eyes and smile
i can bless you with luck and inspiration and contentment for a moment
but all of those things are
trick of light
smoke and mirrors
filigree upon glass like breath against a frozen window
it is fleeting, it is a gasp of air to one who is drowning
the spare tire of the universe
meant only to carry for a moment
a morsel of hope
an incredible lightness of being

i cannot be her whom you need me to be
i have to follow my own heart
and lay my path
and walk it
to find my own happiness.

We used to sing this song;
Don't walk in front of me
I may not Follow
Don't walk behind me
I may not Lead
Just walk beside me
and be my Friend
and Together we shall walk
Down the road
To the end.

lately
a few people i have known
have tried to call upon me
to be their crutch
to be to them something i can no longer provide
they attempted to pour their grief and grievances into the open mouth of my cup
asking, demanding and trying to take from me
myself
and my desires and purposes...

i tried to be graceful
i tried to reiterate that while i will do what i can
i cannot be their force of change
it has to come from within themselves.

one of them;
i didn't realize
got in under my radar and
leeched my generosity
inflated himself upon the positive things i was giving him
and used it as leverage
to meet someone else.

and then the patterns broke down
and
i looked back behind me
and saw
a path littered with them
the people who have ridden my hem
who have ridden the way i make them feel
like some kind of caravan
until they could take those feelings
and betray me with them
and
i won't anymore
i can't---

and sure fine
fine
be upset
be silent
refuse to listen to me or talk to me or discuss anything
but you can't take away that
there will always be the low song of hope in my life
of hope that exists without you
because i have learned what you have not
i have learned how to hope for myself.

So if the oversong
if the newest melody proves not to be the next turn in the road
it will not devastate me
th underlying path is ever present
and my heart, devoted to myself, shall still take me on to new, exciting and thrilling things.

I want to teach this method to the world
i want to expose the secret to everyone of their own inner powers
i want people to understand what i mean when i make a connection to them
our lives tumble and change
we cannot place ourselves within bounds too rigid
with labels too soon to tell the taste of--

Friendship is like a fine wine
and needs time to become a masterpiece
needs time to ruminate and brew
to age and absorb
to blossom and flow down into infinite levels of intricacy
for what good is a connection
if a simple turn in the road
would serve to undo it?

If you cannot walk beside a person as an equal
how can you expect them to accept you as a partner?

and further
how can you begrudge someone their happiness
even if it feels bitter because
the path takes them away from you?

I still speak to those who i had given a 'free' ride
i let them tell me their woes or happinesses as they have found them
i still offer them morsels when i find i have for them
i would still do for them what was within my means but that did not detract from my own
i still pray that they find the wholeness and happiness that every creature deserves...
i don't get angry or jealous over the paths they have chosen to walk
i don't tell them how to live
i simply let them know i am here
that i will always listen
that i will not judge them and try my best to understand
that when i said i would be their friend
i meant it to the core of my being
that i don't go back on my word


my friends are my family
we choose each other
and we support each other
we do not shy away if our feelings are bruised
and we accept each other for everything that makes us beautiful
and everything that makes us flawed







i will illuminate your darkness
but only enough so that you can realize
the true spark is within yourself
you hold your own fires by which to burn
by which to generate heat that others may dance around
by which to attract to you that which you want and desire
for i cannot give you the wholeness you seek
not i nor anyone save but yourself



it is within you
i would love to watch it blossom
i would love for you to walk upon the same level as i tread
i would love for you to be happy for yourself
i would love for you to explore this world and find your belonging
for all of the brilliant and happy things

and you can
and you will
you cannot give up on yourself
and you cannot lay the weight of the task upon me
it isn't mine--
can you understand that?

trying to believe that i could fix you by my presence alone would be like
taking a car to be fixed by an inspirational waterfall
it makes no sense--

you may sing with me
you may share with me
you may include me and how me
i am here
i will listen
i will be who i am
but please do not ask or expect me to be
who i am not

does that make sense?

and that is the state of my emotions today...
these things...




--------------------------------------

*sigh*
i hate being stuck between a rock and a hard place
i hate that i cannot be several different people
so that i could be for everyone who needs it
that which they seek
but i cannot

i had dedicated my heart
in my own mind
some time ago
i traced the words and committed it to paper
before i knew if it would be real
but i didn't count upon it
until i had the chance to know
and when i knew
i began to lace that knowing
into the seeds that were sewn
in the hopes that the crop
could still be saved
could still realize that i am not the sun
only the song upon the wind
that causes the roots to take
the secret promise in the hearth of the bellies
that inspiration lay to those who can broach the surface of the sickness
be it me
or someone else
someone more true

bleh
too many metaphors
too much riddle
but hopefully
enough that understanding can dawn.

---------------------------------------------------------

for myself i hold
memory of eyes
of skin and hands and scent
of eternal flames and battlefields
of something simple
of the thing that i want
that i long for
of the way the steps move me along in my dance
and if
if if if
i have struck a note
that rings true.

i pray that they can be happy for me
that they can step outside their need and claim upon me
and let me be loved and free
to pursue that which is fancy to me
ever seeking
the place upon which i can build
and know it will not crumble.

--------------

I just keep repeating the mantra...

Next step is job. Next step is job.
Next step is job. Next step is job.
Next step is job. Next step is job.

This step is moving.

I've moved methodically down the path and course I've set out for myself. I have a lot of great avenues branching out of the main journey, and I have been slowly exploring them. Right now though, main focus is getting myself settled into a new place. A place that I can call my home, no matter the period of time.

This job pays the bills. It's not horrendous. It isn't European Promos, the job that nearly turned me into a basket case. It isn't Commercial Source, the job that was a waste of everyone's time. It's just a milquetoast job that feeds me.

I'm stirring though. I need mobility in some way. I want to push the borders, but there's no point in even trying to rise up in this job, as the company is moving later this year to Chicago.

Complete this step. Settle in. There will be adventures on the horizon.

For now, be happy that you can pay your bills and survive.

After that, work on figuring out how to surpass...

I KNOW I KNOW BUT MOTHERFUCKER IT'S BORING!

Let's ride the fucking speculation train!

uh, GSDestiny, how did we miss this?

http://www.seibertron.com/news/view.php?id=13008&f_cat=2&f_year=2007

i won't include a link to the journal where i found this, especially because the poster had some not-nice things to say about the Michael Bay film and about Mr. Bay himself. (that's what you get when you write comedy for geeks in Wisconsin for a living.)

soooo,
did anyone catch Sue Simmons on NBC4 NYC drop the f-bomb on live television on the 11pm news tonight?
or just my friends here who happen to have sattelite?

edit 5/13
apparently it just took some people with Tivos a little time to get up and upload.
My favorite is the giggle from the taper at the end

poor sue http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uLSOGcOQPI

In response to a asking why the Sfi-Fi Channel never shows the Star Wars movies a poster on another site responded:

"Well, since everyone knows that Star Wars happened "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away", the movies are not really Science Fiction as much as they are Historical Documents. Sci-Fi channel, IIRC, doesnt focus much on biographies or re-creations of historical happenings, so it probably doesn't like airing the movies."

Great answer.

Then, while in Staples today I asked the clerk if he could read my key chain discount tag as it is severly faded. He responded with a resounding, "I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication."

As I was walking away I asked, "If he knew so many languages, including presumably body language, why couldn't he tell the Lando was stressed and lying?" His response was that C3P0 doesn't have a heart rate monitor installed!!!

*whimper*

my stomach is cramping up and it hurts, i feel like it's about to knot itself into oblivion.  I am slightly stressed, not greatly, but not nearly enough to be having this kind of physical reaction.  i tried to have some bland food for lunch to see if i could settle it and it seems a little better--

i got some requests today now that my boss is on leave that i messed up right out of the gate.  I mean, the guide i was following was incorrect about the procedure, so i am not to be blamed 100%, but still, it doesn't help the knot--

i wish i could go back to 8pm friday and relive my weekend again, good god, it was so sweet---

I seem to be of the popular opinion that Iron Man was good, despite the fact that I've never been a fan of the character. My biggest problem with the movie is that all the reviews make a big deal out of the fact that Tony Stark is a flawed character and how appropriate the casting was, but the film didn't actually show the power hungry, dominating, alcoholic womanizer. The womanizing was sorta there, but that's really no different than Bruce Wayne. They basically showed us Batman in a red and gold suit, not Ironman.

But, damn RDJ's arms were sexy.  I've never been a big fan of arms, but something about his were hot.

And, for the record, my husband is a weasel. I need a dress for these various weddings I am going to this summer  and am having a hard time finding something appropriate in my size. So, I ordered one online. I thought It was cute, but a different cut than I normally wear, so I asked him, but he refused to give an opinion. I brought the dress home this weekend to get an opinion from my family, only to learn that I looked awful in it. (This is why I am perpetually in tailored business clothing. Any deviations from the standard button down shirt are suspect.) As my mother so eloquently put it, "It's fine if you don't care what other people think about how you look."  

Thanks mom. 

And thanks to you, husband, for leaving me to have my ego crushed seven different ways from sunday by multiple people instead of just saying, "I don't think so." He thinks it's funny, but for some reason it really hurt.  Blah. l now have to waste my only free weekend in the next two months looking for dresses. 

Yeah, that's about it. Is it time to go home yet?

This is so cute: a Takeshi dress up doll!!

We woke up, packed up, checked out, and left our bags with the bellman so that everything wouldn't go all melty while we had lunch. Then off we sped, to County Line BBQ in plenty of time to eat our lunch (well, breakfast) before they closed for the afternoon. I don't know, maybe it's the location, but it doesn't make sense that a place with food this good (and a reputation to match) would be almost totally dead at 12:30 on a Friday, but it was. There were maybe three or four tables seated when we got there. This is a crime.

We asked to be out on the patio, where we can smoke, and got "Austin's Best Hill Country View". At least, that's how it's advertised in the front of the restaurant, and they don't lie. It's beautiful, and there's lots of shade to be had while you dine as well. Because there was hardly a soul there, the service was fast and incredibly attentive. The beverages are served in vats, the sweet tea is delicious, and really, it was a wonderful way to have breakfast.

( Here be meats! )

After we waddled out of County Line, we headed over to South Congress to fetch a hat for me and possibly a hat for him as well. We definitely found hat for me, but none for him. Instead, I spotted little Texas gifties for his nieces instead. We then hit up the hotel, grabbed our bags, and hit the highway to Houston. Wow...that was some unintentional alliteration there.

Now, he knew exactly where we were going, and was looking forward to the drive due to what awaited us in LaGrange. Seeing as there hasn't been a chicken-ranch there in some time, it wasn't hookers that he was anticipating. Nope. It was kolaches. Delicious pastries with fruit fillings, made by hand for generations. Apparently, it's a Polish thing, and even though there's a place called Kolache Factory all over Houston, it was in LaGrange where he said the best ones are made.

We found the place attached to a gas station (which just maintains my theory that there's really good food to be had from places that are attached to gas stations). One of the bakeries that he remembered wasn't there, and when we asked inside, we were told that it had been sold quite some time ago. Still, we were able to avail ourselves of Weikel's delicious pastries. (It's important that you check out that website, because they DO send these fabulous things out to all sorts of places around the country, and you can get some for yourself fairly cheaply.) We grabbed a six pack to go when I couldn't make up my mind as to what flavours I wanted (lemon, strawberry cream cheese, cherry cream cheese, etc. etc. etc.), but they also have Pigs In Blankets, some amazing-looking cinnamon rolls, GIANT danishes, poppy seed rolls, and a bunch of other delicious items. The place does a pretty brisk business, and there's clearly people who make this their one and only bakery, coming in for breads, rolls, and maybe a touch of dessert. Bonus points for the 50-ish woman behind the counter who said that she knew what my belt buckle meant and also approved of its message "even though I don't curse, myself". (Note: the only belt buckle I own is my custom-made "OMGWTF" buckle, and The Guy told me that I had to bring it along again on this trip.)

After obtaining tasty snacks, we got on our way to Houston, where we're staying in a friend's apartment while he's away. We arrived, let ourselves in, got attacked by the resident cat (a handsome little devil with a taste for flesh), and relaxed a little bit before heading out to just amble around Houston a bit while The Guy got his bearings. We wound up eating dinner at his favourite Vietnamese place (Mai's) and put to bed the rumours that the service had gone to hell (I mean, she didn't sit down with us and crack jokes, but she was fast and very efficient). Afterwards, we did more driving around, and then came back to the apartment to grab some sleep.

Quite a busy day, but rewarding in many many ways.

Everyone knew the bomb was coming. They had hid under their tables and covered themselves with their jackets. It was on every news channel and blasting across every radio station. The turtle taught them all to 'Duck & Cover', and that was just what they were going to do.

Bob didn't know, though. Television was just x-rays blasting into your face and making you docile and subservient. The radio's white noise crackle was subliminal messages teaching you obedience.

Everyone hid beneath their desks. Bob just sat in his office, filling out claims adjustment forms, wearing his tin foil hat.

been busy lately - need to be busier

been spending a lot of time doing stuff at/with church (something I always felt a chore to do since i grew out of youth group) and it's been awesome. I've learned and grown so much in the last year, it's just ridiculous.

been helping/tutoring one of the college students that go to my church with a sewing project. It's been neat. Almost got to use the overlock machine but lost the threader half-way through changing from light to dark thread. It literally disappeared from my hands (not hard thing to do since it is nearly invisible itself. (its just a tiny loop of wire - long enough to pull through the eyes of the twin needles with tweezers. anyone with a serger will attest to the abject horror of losing the threader.)

after searching for a little bit, we gave up and used a zig-zag as one of the other two methods suggested by the pattern instructions. We were both crushed that we couldn't play with the overlock. I tried again in different light and found it today (AWESOME! i really need to vacuum and was really apprehensive to do so with the missing threader on the carpet somewhere) I am invincible.

Speaking of which, I'm really excited that Invincible is coming out on the 13th (is that tomorrow already?) I'd probably be more excited if i hadn't read all the spoilers (or all i could find at least) that Wookiepedia snuck onto (what seemed like half of) their pages. Many, but not all, of the details surprised me - can't wait to read the circumstances.

'Rents are coming soon - in conjunction with the babies. need to clean but at least now i can vacuum. Aura's Brother Besh still doesn't have a name, poor guy. I hope they decide before daycare has to call him "Samantha's Brother" or "little boy lastname"

Forever stamps are awesome and price hikes are not. Pool noodles are cool (and cheap - DOLLARSTORE!!) but when you cut them in half, ducttape one end, let the kids decorate the ducttape with sharpies and then seal the ducttape with packing tape (sharpies smear on ducttape), they make amazingly awesome boffer lightsabers. Really wish i had pictures of my padawans turning on me and beating the snot out of me with them. A good time was had by all.

ugh, I don't wanna go to work